Dry Shampoo and Dryer Sheets

...and other things I learned when I was 31.

1. I do not meditate, try as I might.

2. I didn’t really try that hard at it, though. (I meditated three times over a year ago using a free app that I forgot to cancel my free trial for, so was just charged for another year. Maybe that will do the trick this time.) If not,

3. Maybe that’s okay — both setting goals and repeatedly not reaching them. Maybe the cycle alerts us to what we want but don’t need to focus on, at least for right now, where we are in our lives.

4. I’m not a yogi either, at least not yet.

5. I will not exercise at my house — can’t, won’t, don’t ever want to even try.

6. Sometimes when I start a bike ride or a hike, I get anxious and rattled and emotional. It’s because I feel like I’m not being productive in the traditional “I always should be doing something that crosses something off of my to do list” way. If I breathe into it and give it 20 minutes, it will go away.

7. My anxiety came out to play this year, especially with sleep (or lack of sleep). I’m still learning how to let go of — or make peace with, depending on the day — those zippy thoughts.

8. Reading before bed helps to quiet the zippy-ing.

9. I spent so much of this year convincing myself that I didn’t need eight hours of sleep, deprived (depriving myself) because I felt like I didn’t have enough time.

10. Sleep is more important than an extra 30 minutes of reading in the morning.

11. Reading is more important to me than TikTok or scrolling Instagram.

12. Journaling, too.

13. I struggle to abide by the phone limits I set for myself — I ignore them and can find myself down a rabbit hole for two hours. And that’s why there are some things I just need to give up cold turkey, like TikTok.

14. Alcohol isn’t one of those things, but I drastically changed my relationship with it.

15. Having back-to-back weekend plans without at least one full day to recharge does not work for me.

16. Living in two places at once did not work for me.

17. When I feel like I should be in two places at once, I feel the same kind of rattled and anxiousness I feel in #6.

18. I use the dishwasher. I prefer this to handwashing my dishes now. This was one of the biggest surprises of my year — truly.

19. I practiced setting boundaries and (slowly) releasing my need to please everyone. I let others down because of this, but I made myself proud.

20. I valued myself enough to step away from something that was no longer working for my life. I did all I could to make it fit and the truth was it just didn’t anymore.

21. No matter how hard we try, sometimes the only way forward is to let go.

22. I love camping.

23. I can go three days without washing my hair and then I have such an urgent need to shower it’s all I can think about. Apparently, dry shampoo is bad for us, but dang, it was my lifesaver this year.

24. Dryer sheets are now bad for us, too?

25. No one else’s camera rolls are filled with images of their work.

26. I think we’ll move out of the city, eventually — somewhere quieter, rural, surrounded by nature.

27. I don’t like texting with capital letters and I’m done being wishy-washy about it.

28. I’m excited to learn more about my fashion style, beyond black leggings and branded t-shirts.

29. I know who I am without a job. I am not lost, I am not confused, and my identity is not tied up in that like I thought it would be after leaving.

30. I have no idea what’s next for me, career-wise, and I don’t feel panicked about that. I feel free, trusting, and excited about what might come and what I will seek.

31. Hoping I can head into Year 32 with the same feelings I felt so much in Year 31: awe and gratitude. Awe, and gratitude.